To Go Out or to Not Go Out… THAT is the Question

Here I am… makeup-free, no fucks given and any self-esteem I once had has flown not just south but into the Bermuda Triangle for the winter. Suddenly the pity party comes to a screeching halt when an invitation is extended via cyberspace. “Hey what’re you doing tonight? Let’s go out!” Bun intact, heated blanket already turned on to the up most degree making me now visibly flushed, acne seeing the light with no shame as I lay there slumped over, about to enjoy Netflix and chill party of one and embrace the granny panties hugging my inner thighs (no, not the Calvin Klein kind (feel free to send me some) but the target kind you wear when you’re on your period and aren’t in commission for la sex or at least not tonight…. well. maybe tonight. never say never.) As I lay there in my reflection at what I would see if I was not me but someone else, hell maybe even a murderer I realize I wouldn’t even kill me because apparently, I am already living the life of one ten feet under. As I contemplate this sad thought one begins to in vision a night in like the hermit you once desired to be or in some cases had no option but to be OR a night out.

A night out all dolled up, maybe getting a lil somethin somethin if ya know what I’m sayin – that goes for getting the d, double ds and/or one that never fails (unless it always does and in that case maybe disregard the last option)  the drank. Hmmmm I think as my mind splits into 2 scenarios while an animated thought bubble seemingly appears over my head and my dark purply maroon polished finger (shoutout OPI, you da shit) meets the corner of my begging to be coated in lip gloss lip.

In one scenario I am queen. QUEEN, I tell you *rapid toe point* – I step out in my heels, probs my hooker heels (over the knee black suede heel boots, basically one morphs into Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman upon even a toes entrance within the glorious boot), as I enter the venue the wind would blow in the perfectly right direction as to not awkwardly get stuck in my now lip glossed lips and daringly lacquered lashes, outfit is one to compete with the Kardashians stylist, face + hair is  Blondie meets Bridget Bardot, friends are being fun and not annoying, the people we meet are on point and in the end I wake up the next day with no regrets and my memory not only intact but filled with fabulosity residue from the night before. Then the other scenario barges in like your roommate’s annoying friend who doesn’t know social cues or just blatantly ignores your multiple hints indicating you don’t feel like talking. in this scenario which I feel we all at some point or another have felt, if not then you’re an alien, greetings. happy that we finally have even more proof that you exist,  I get ready still don’t feel cute, don’t feel skinny enough to wear what I would like so I wear something not fit for my mood (in other words I am Jabba the Hutt ), can’t shake a bad mood, feel like the ugly friend or the friend with the severely damaged personality due to feeling antisocial, get a drink to loosen up and get that weird drunk where I am worse off than I was before or I get completely shit faced and make drastically bold decisions only drunk me would make. Only in the end to look and act like E.T at his prime, wrapped in a blanket while Elliott, or my friends in this case, do all they can do to pedal the fuck out and get me home where I would wake up the following day to either ask “was it my friends that got me home last night?”, “who is this?”, “where are my earrings, jacket, and wallet?” or the main cause for concern, the real zinger, “what did I do?”. Amidst this, the faint memory of responsibility leaks into my now aching head and I realize I am late for work or a class or something pressing so I must begin today’s life like the peasant I made myself destined to be… no queen am I in this scenario *heavy sigh*.  

But the question remains…. Is one to go out or to not go out?

Well, peers, peasants, queens and kings if you are currently facing this dilemma (some even may say it is an ethical dilemma because how selfish of you to withhold your presence from the world) then I will play your fairy godmother and provide you with the answer.

Just answer yes or no to the following 17 questions:

1-) Are you having a good body, skin, and/or hair day?

  1. yes
  2. no

2-) Have you seen the person offering to go out in a while?

  1. yes
  2. no

3-) Do you actually like the person extending the invite?

  1. yes
  2. no

4-) Are you the one extending the invite?

  1. no
  2. yes

5-) Do you have anything to do tomorrow morning?

  1. no
  2. yes

6-) Have you been out recently?

  1. no
  2. yes

7-) Can you afford to go out?

  1. yes
  2. no

10-) Are you in a relationship?

  1. yes (go to question 11)
  2. no (go to question 12)

11-) If yes, have you been feeling like y’all are already old and married aka lovingly bored?

  1. God, YES
  2. no

12-) If not, are you horny or looking for a potential partner?

  1. yes
  2. no

12-) Will you suffer fomo (fear of missing out) and then bitch about it to all your friends who offered you to come out with them not once but dozens of times?

  1. yes –> just go because that’s annoying af
  2. no

13-) Do you have a ride to and from?

  1. yes
  2. no

14-) Is your phone charged to a substantial degree?

  1. yes
  2. no

15-) Do you have an outfit you’ve been dying to present to an audience?

  1. yes
  2. no

16-) Are you doing anything tomorrow night?

  1. no
  2. yes

17-)Are you prepared to have to fake smile, possibly laugh and/or associate with small talk?

  1. yes
  2. no

 

If you answered with mainly 1s then yaaaazzzz go out!! Make the night your love sick puppy, dance the night away, become pregnant with memories of excitement, new people, adventure and LIVE!

giphy-2

 

If you answered with mainly 2s then all is well, there’s always another night awaiting. Have a night in relax, do your thing, get work done or do something productive for your mental health. The night will always be longing for your company but if you always comply to its wants that just makes you a groupie, remember you’re the rockstar and even rockstars need to take a night off every once in awhile.

giphy-1

 

Xoxo,

your girl Leila

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