We all know and have a friend with which something is always happening. Not just something but some serious shit…
Sometimes multiple times a day
But who’s counting right? Me. We. I am. We are.
The ones that are having to empty our time, purses and/or pockets in search for the last tissue to give to their crying and blabbering friends some advice that’s never taken or goes over their heads.
The same thing.
Over… and over… and over again. And right when you think they won’t circle the conversation back to that topic or themselves you’re met with the realization that you were wrong.
It gets old. It gets old real quick.
It’s like that person who always steals what you’ve said to them in private and then they display it to a group posing as the original wordsmith that said it. Once can slide, twice? Eh this is annoying but whatever. Your welcome for unintentionally feeding you lines. Three times? Ha ha, Alice and/or Alan you’re gonna have to stop now. Four times? Stfu. Think for yourself and speak for yourself… literally and figuratively.
It’s hard because this has probably ALWAYS been the case. Even in Victorian times. You know there was an Elizabeth was talking to Catherine about Beatrice because all Beatrice does is bitch about Andrew over tea in the guardian.
We’ve all been the Elizabeth, the Catherin and the Beatrice at one point or another. Or the harry, the Edward, or the Clarence at one point or another- and even, the Andrew.
We’re all guilty.
However, people grow out of the Beatrice stage or at least they need to try to. And if they don’t they will call you unless you tell them not to which the “good” friend and/or person is NOT supposed to do no matter how hard we want to (yes, I am a good friend…most of the time and when I am not it was by accident or some stupid misunderstanding).
Serious shit is always happening in their life and to be the “good friend” you’re the one they call.
Wanna know what I’m sick of?
people feeling like a bad friend for not wanting to be a good friend.
I am not saying tell your friend in need to fuck off. No. I don’t condone that …unless it needs to happen.
No… I’m not saying to do that. What I am saying, however, is that if someone is having an emotional crisis every day, multiple times a day, weekly and so on then that person might be the problem in his/her own life.
On a never ending merry go round momentarily distracted with spouts of happiness while the “good” friend just awaits for the boomerang (the issue for the person and you having to be there for them 24/7 again to make sure they are stable) to come back to them again. Fly boomerang, fly. Become straight. Get stuck in a tree. Don’t come back, please. Please find your way. please- for yourself and for me (us).
Granted life can be a fucking weak ass vine meanwhile were all just trying to Tarzan it, expecting it to carry, swing, take us one way and then wham you’ve become one with a tree and/or the ground and you’re broken either physically, spiritually or emotionally. Sometimes we expect it – other times the vine happens to be a snake hangin in the trees (wasssup Taylor Swift). But that doesn’t mean that you have a pass to not learn how to deal with issues properly…. No matter what they are.
“Yeah but you don’t get it. I have been through ____,____,____ and then I got sold into the circus that American Horror Story Freak Show edition is based off of.” Listen, I don’t care. I mean I do, but at the end of the day guess what? We all have our shit.
Life serves us all in some way or another. The ones that you think have ownership of all the luck in the world or have the perfect life are just good at faking it (including those that also make opportunities for themselves). Whether it’s earlier, later or just a series of bumps happening more frequent than not, the series of life never ends until it does and even then, who knows what’s going to happen? None of us. That’s what makes it so brilliant, beautiful, exciting and yet so tortuous, unfamiliar, lonely and difficult… and guess what? It should be. If life didn’t have the sour moments you wouldn’t realize or appreciate the sweet.
So, to have someone who does complain twenty-four seven, cries or talks about one sad topic and that topic only …it’s a lot.
Not only is it obnoxious because them talking about it yet again isn’t helping them find a resolution to their strife but it also gets to a point where you wonder if there’s any point in trying to help them at all anymore. Helping someone who doesn’t help themselves erodes you.
The “good” friend is pushed to be the “bad” friend at some point or another and then feels that. They feel it wholly and fully which is why they are a good friend in the first place… because they felt for you wholly and fully.
Which is exactly why this article is to and for the good friends out there-
Hey. You. Tired of feeling used, alone, psychic and tired blessed with beauty and grace-
its okay to be the “bad” friend once in a while.
It’s okay to expect the same from others as you do for them.
It’s okay to need a minute for you and to not be there for someone else, to be selfish and to not care. Some people, if not all, are draining. Being with Some friends can make you feel as if you’re taking part in community service with the only incentive being your love and empathy for that specific person.
But how can you help anyone if you’re not okay yourself? And in some way or another none of us are “okay” we’re never “okay”. We’re all just mood rings. We change constantly and never really know if what we think we are feeling is accurate because in one second one factor can change what we once felt or what we at least thought we felt. We all are marching into the unknown (life, our futures, our expectations for ourselves etc.) in one way or another. We all just have a different march and that’s what changes each individual’s outcome.
I am sure I am that friend to someone too, as are we all to someone out there and I’m talking to that/those idiot(s) just as much as I’m talking to myself. (Basically, we’re all the good friend and were all the bad friend.)
All I am saying is that taking a break from someone else’s life to live yours is OKAY. I actually highly recommend it.
For your mental health, take a vacation from them- the toxic friends who for some reason or another you can’t let go of. Check in every once and a while but do know it’s okay to be a “bad” friend to someone if it means you can or are being a good friend to yourself.
your girl Leila