Deciding Happy = Head or Heart?

Whoever started the trend to always “be happy”? like actually, who sat down and decided that everyone, everything everybody every nothing were supposed to just unite in a uniformed happiness? As if we all can anyway. I imagine how exhausting it would be to live as you do on Instagram. Always trying to get the most likes, to seem like you’re going to all these amazing places, to look good, pose. To always try. As my disbelief and sheer empathy for those that live like that exemplifies with every beat of my heart I suddenly become aware of how exhausting it must be to live life with the incentive being for Instagram. how exhausting it must be to advertise yourself as always happy.  To filter your emotions as you filter your pictures. Who the fuck decided that THAT was normal? To always try to appear happy.

I guess to be genuine was never acknowledged when humans opted for “happiness” which is oftentimes misused in forms of emotionless expressions, lavish lines, overly embellished laughs and tarnished truths.

Presently, It seems as if sensitivity (and the act of applying it) has sought refuge within the walls of one’s own mind. Rather than feeling it seems as though some are taught and bred to decide if they want to feel. Instead of learning to understand, treasure and cherish the emotion(s) one possesses it seems as if the world’s inhabitants have transplanted their emotions housed within the domain of their hearts to their heads in an attempt to regard emotions as mere decisions.

We decide what we feel. That is our right. But what happens when what we have decided to feel supports ignorance. The moments when we decide to forego listening to what the heart is whispering are the moments that can change us. Not immediately, but eventually.

To neglect the heart for the head is an inglorious temptation begging those most vulnerable to succumb to a world of stagnancy.

It is when one ceases to listen to their heart that a process of deterioration of ones  sense of self begins to take hold.

For one to adapt to a world that’s foundation is rooted in deciding what makes “sense” day by day is to adapt to living in a world as a living ghost. Stranded within this realm of reality and strapped to life’s cliché conventionalities leads to roaming this world as a respiring ghost haunted with the thoughts of what could have beens, what should have beens and followed with the knowledge of what now can never be. With the sound of every inhale comes the bleak reminder that though you feel mechanical and robotic you are alive. Alive and devoured day by day with the thought of what or who could have killed you and with the sound of every exhale comes the slow and torturous realization that in avoiding the hearts song in order to save yourself you have done just the opposite. It is one long rhythmatic script of rhymes and riddles life is and ironically the things we seek to save us are oftentimes the things seeking to kill us.

I would be lying if I said the skill to understand one’s emotions is easy to acquire. It’s not. It’s messy and it’s complicated. But it is messy and complicated that makes life interesting, that makes art worth looking at and what evokes emotion. With awareness and acceptance of emotion comes enlightenment. To understand your emotions and being able to lend yourself to life’s abyss is true genius. Though the outcome seems distant and freckled with doubts it is also sprinkled with possibilities.

Don’t tune out what your heart is telling you in favor for what your head is deciding for you. Trust your inner compass and follow it blindly for doing so will lead you to purpose and in purpose is pleasure.


your girl Leila


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